Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
