dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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