3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
