she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
