Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize