doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
