I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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