nut hugger
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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