P.S. I can't hear my feet
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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