I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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