I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
