I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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