i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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