the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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