Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
