I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
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