I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
