It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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