He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
