I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
