the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
