Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
