I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
