Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
