and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
