Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
