yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
They have beer where we have blood.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
