life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
