I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
