The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize