At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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