I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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