I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
