I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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