Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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