Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
