I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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