when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
