When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My bed is full of blood and feathers
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
