i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
