The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
