I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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