oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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