Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
