I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
