sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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