Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
