My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
