well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
