Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
