You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
