Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
