I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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