so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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