Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
