I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Too much gin, very little bucket
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
