I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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