Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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