Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
