I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
