I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
