i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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